Sizing Myself Up
by Kate Dillon

After seven years of dieting and professional modeling, something in me snapped. My business manager was giving me hell about my weight, telling me I "wasn't trying hard enough." (By the way, here's an idea of what a "weight problem" is in the fashion industry: At five-eleven and 125 pounds, I was ordered to lose 20 pounds.) Suddenly, I realized I'd become victim to society's body ideals. I hated that. I wanted to be the righteous woman I'd always dreamed of being. I quit and moved back to San Diego to figure out who I really was -- behind the image.

It didn't happen overnight. Believe me, it was hard gaining 45 pounds when I'd spent the past 7 years associating each pound with shame and ugliness. Sure, I'd had a great revelation that I wanted to be true to myself, but I didn't have the slightest clue how to get there. My life had totally flip-flopped. I'd been a highly successful model hanging out in New York City, and now I was "fat," delivering pastries, and working at Barnes and Noble.

The person who helped change my perspective was my friend Missy. She didn't represent the culture's idea of beauty, but she had something -- that thing -- I was searching for. She had confidence. She didn't edit her opinions to appease others. She knew she was "different," and rather than try to fight it, she embraced it. It was her attitude that inspired me to forget everything I'd learned about the way you're "supposed" to act or look. The people who were free from all that bullshit were having a much better time.

Ironically, I've had a better career as a big-girl model than most skinny models have in their lifetimes! And the best part is, I did it all on my own terms. I love to witness the moment when someone's perspective shifts before my eyes. It's the moment I go from being "pretty for a bigger girl" to just being pretty.

Kate Dillon is a leading plus-size model and a national speaker on body image. Called the "curvy comeback" by Glamour and named 1998 model of the year by Mode, Kate was formerly a "skinny model." After struggling to maintain an impossible weight, Kate took a two-year hiatus and returned to the business as a full-figured, size twelve Wilhelmina model. Within months, she was featured on a Times Square billboard and landed a national commercial spot for Playtex. Kate is the co-founder of ECHO Prosocial Gallery, a non-profit organization encouraging children to use their creativity to advocate for social change. In 2000, she was named one of the "50 Most Beautifl People" by People magazine.