Dinner Roll Barbie (and Other Dolls I'd Like to See)
by Susan Jane Gilman

In addition to seeing Barbies in a range of colors and sizes, here are a few others I'd like to see.

Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real, curvy belly, generous tits and ass, and voluminous thighs to show girls that voluptuousness is also beautiful. Comes with a miniature basket of dinner rolls, bucket o' fried chicken, tiny Entenmann's walnut ring, a brick of Sealtest ice cream, three packs of potato chips, a T-shirt reading "Only the Weak Don't Eat," and, of course, an appetite.

Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a doll made with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.

Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
Our Barbies, Ourselves: Anatomically correct Barbie, both inside and out, comes with spreadable legs, her own speculum, magnifying glass and a detailed diagram of female anatomy so girls can learn about their bodies in a friendly, non-threatening way. Also included: tiny Kotex, booklets on sexual responsibility. Accessories such as contraceptives, sex toys, expanding uterus with fetus at various stages of development and breast pump are all optional, underscoring that each young woman has the right to choose what she does with her own Barbie.

B-Girl Barbie: Truly fly Barbie in midriff-baring shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with skateboard, hip-hop accessories and plenty of attitude. Pull her cord and she says things like, “I don’t think so,” “Dang, get outta my face,” and “You go, girl.” Teaches girls not to take shit from men and condescending white people.

Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe. .

Susan Jane Gilman is the author of Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World As A SmartMouth Goddess (Warner Books, 2001). A native New Yorker, she has written about women’s issues for the New York Times, Newsday, Ms. and US magazine, and her fiction has appeared in the Village Voice and Story, among others.